Hey Reader,
So, I burnt out last week. Everything came to a halt. Virtually by Wednesday I had no gas left in the tank. I am sorry to say that I don't want to do this anymore. But, I am going to continue to do so. Here's why:
- If I Stop Life with Ken I Silence Myself - This endeavor was conceived on financial health and wealth generation, and on giving myself a voice. Back when I started this I didn't care who was listening because I understood that probably no one was. No one was really listening to me in my offline life either. That was the cause. I'm here because people can tend not to listen. Our purpose is to break through the silence. That isn't a business mission/vision statement it's a life's calling. Whether it's Life with Ken, or some other venture I am called to break through the silence because whether or not someone cares to hear, God has put things on my heart to say. That said, I don't always have something to say, therefore Life with Ken will likely be restructured to accommodate the evolution of my creative process. My lack of topicality is particularly evident to me with respect to this Newsletter.
- I am the Business - This brand sells courses and a paid subscription to our weekly articles and videos. We also have affiliate partnerships. Additionally, I have a publishing company I want to grow, and I am an award winning author. No matter how much I water down those things, or down play them, and I'm not trying to brag to the degree someone considers the aforementioned to be so, those accoutrements are attached to me. As an author if I desire to progress professionally I must continue publishing. My archive of content gives legitimacy to my expertise. Again, this is something we can consider to downsize with respect to scale. None of that business stuff really matters if I lack the capacity to be effective.
- I want to Earn Money - I am Christian and I am an American. God doesn't want his kids to be poor. At least not me. Frankly, the context of my financial freedom is tragic to me, can depress me quickly, and isn't something I want to talk about on this platform. Moving forward I will be more open to additional streams of income, but this is my direction in life. Money has to be earned.
- None of the Aforementioned Makes any Part of this Process any Less Discouraging - Speaking into nothing can be discouraging. Submitting yourself to things that create cognitive dissonance is discouraging. Staying focused and keeping your eyes on some apparently far off prize is discouraging. I don't want to do this anymore.
Admittedly I may have bit off more than I can chew. I've made my bed, I'm laying in it, and it's uncomfortable. Leaving New Jersey may have been a mistake. Not taking that assistant manager job at Panera may have been a mistake. Choosing to go to Fairleigh Dickinson University over Rutgers for my Masters was definitely probably a mistake. Not staying an one extra year in undergrad so I could graduate with two degrees was a mistake. Moving to Texas without a job was a mistake.
Letting things continue to be this way would be a mistake. I have to go on because I am alive. The further I go, however, the more heartless and cold I become. I get disturbed by how existential this is for me. I'm engulfed in my career. Drowning. Other than God, this is all I have. It's not a loving bed fellow. Hustling doesn't feel like the warmth of someone laying next to you. It doesn't feel like the joy of looking your child in the eye. It's not even a good scotch on the rocks. Not to me. If I have to embrace this life then I have to do it my way.
Basically, I had a rough week last week, as several people did for subjective reasons, not to mention the death of Charlie Kirk. I can only do so much to try to help things get better from here. I've learned that just because you change something doesn't mean other things will change as well. But, I'm hopeful change will come and I am willing to be a participant in materializing that change. I'm not going to end this Newsletter gleefully, but I do have to get back to work...